Some days I wish I could just have quiet. They claim silence is golden but I would go for just quiet. For my boys some days quiet is a commodity worth its weight in gold and rarer than blue diamonds. In modern society we just can't GET silence. We are surrounded by sound, white noise fills our days and while we may tune it out some of our children never can. Today thankfully my Second born had his summer program so he was gone most of the day or it would have been very rough for him as he is the most sensitive of the four to noise.
My youngest seems to think that in order for him to keep from being ignored he must make his demands at the top of his lungs, in a high squeaky voice he states is actually "Chicky" his toy Griffin. "Inside voice" is a concept to which he has NO desire to adhere to nor abide by. This of course results in the Third born responding by raising HIS voice to drowned out the Fourth born. My oldest just tunes them BOTH out and turns up the volume on whatever electronic device he has managed to focus on at the moment. This leaves me with a pounding headache by the end of the day and dreaming of peaceful streams, wooded paths and my long unused hiking boots.
It is days like today when I wonder about my sons who struggle with volume and noise management. My Second born picks up EVERYTHING, every little sound, and has to attempt to filter through them and determine which is important and which is not. Where my First born BLOCKS sound out, becoming SO focused on a particular subject that he is completely oblivious to anything and everything around him. Even though his hearing IS fine, he just doesn't process the information. Having such opposite extremes in the same household shows me again how amazing my children are while raising different challenges.
I personally like to have music going in while I work as it covers the sounds I find annoying such as computer games, vacuum cleaners and washing machines. Some times the boys tolerate it, other times they don't. However I also know that putting on a set of headphones is out of the question as it would block out my ability to hear things such as doors opening. For my Birthday this year I asked if I could get an Ipod. Before I had always just used a radio or CD player. My hope is by having a variety of music options available we might be able to come up with more compromises. Sometimes they will let me listen to music IF it is something they also like.
So for now I just enjoy those few quiet moments I get after they have all fallen to sleep LATE at night. Morning comes ALL to soon. School is rapidly approaching and with that more day time hours that I have been told are filled with "quiet time". We will see. I am sure I will fill it with projects. I am good at that.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Decorating with Autistic Kids
I love to watch design shows. HGTV and the DYI network are about the only television I ever see when I actually DO get the opportunity to see "Adult" programing. However I have to laugh sometimes at the designers and their ideas as they describe "child friendly" design. While others have "decorative objects" all over their homes in my mind these are labeled "potential projectiles". When you have kids on the autism spectrum your decorating style takes on a whole new ascetic.
You see all my pictures have solid wood frames and are hung with dry wall screws THROUGH them. Any glass is replaced with Plexiglas. I got this idea from the doctor's offices and direct care facilities I use to work in. The idea being to reduce the chance for my children to knock the pictures down from the walls while they rough house as well to reduce the risk for them to get cut from broken glass. From time to time I still need to replace a piece of Plexiglas due to a crack or rehang a picture due to it being knocked down but it's frequency has been GREATLY reduced from when I attempted to use traditional methods. Now that the boys are a little older I have thought about giving the Command Picture hanging products a try since these would save me the holes in the walls and allow me to hang lighter picture frames rather than always having to get heavy solid wood ones.
Another problem I have is I can NOT stand brown paint or "Chocolate" as the designers call it. Two of my four are what my husband and I call "decorators" and one of their favorite mediums is feces. As a result "Chocolate" brown to us is just "poop" brown. Stained wood is fine, it is just the painted stuff I can't stand. Along that same line I have YET to find a paint that can truly resist poop stains. As a result we are frequently repainting. If you are someone who has a "decorator" go with the BEST quality paint you can afford because while it WILL stain, the better quality the longer you will be able to go with just doing touch ups over the stains before a complete repaint. Kilz primer is FANTASTIC for coverage and you can get it in pint size plastic cans.
When purchasing furniture also consider getting the BEST quality you can afford and DON'T think that second hand is a BAD thing. The biggest consideration is safety. All of our boys are extremely gifted mechanically. With our second born the issue we had was that he enjoyed dismantling EVERYTHING. For a while we were reduced to having him sleep on a mattress on a floor while we attempted to figure it out a solution. Not only was this unsafe but EXTREMELY expensive on a limited budget. In the end we crafted a custom bed using a loft bed as our inspiration. It is made of 4x4s, 5/6inch plywood and lag bolts. We also special ordered a mattress thorough a local mattress store. The same type used by hospitals and care units. The seams are INSIDE and it is waterproof so I can easily wash it. No solution will be 100% perfect but
Sofas, chairs, tables, etc, the same rules apply. Get the best you can afford, second hand or custom may be an option if you just can't find what you need. Yes your rooms may be a little more sparse than the designers say they should be but WHO CARES. Your kids are safe, happy and you aren't spending the majority of your day fighting off a minor heart attack. Don't be afraid to think outside the box, watch design shows, check with other parents, on the internet, or where ever to get ideas for your child either. You may not be the only one who has a child who likes to bounce legos off the ceiling fan light fixture and they may have great suggestions for possible solutions.
When it comes to fabrics this is where I LOVE those silly designers because they open up whole new worlds to in terms of colors and fabrics. Sometimes I think they are nuts and other times I could just kiss them. The ones I like are the ones I know have children themselves. What is interesting is to see how their perspectives changed from BEFORE they had children to AFTER as to what you can get away with kids. Candice Olson of Divine Design from HGTV is one of my favorites as are Genevieve Gorder and Sarah Richardson. Denim is still a good staple as it is washable and sturdy, coming in a wide variety of colors, and patterns beyond basic blue. In addition to this there are a variety of treated fabrics giving us a wider range of texture. Candice has also FINALLY convinced me that Leather could also be a reasonable option, or at least DISTRESSED leather, since as she states "all that will happen is more distressing". By using lots of pattern in fabrics you can cover up all the stains that WILL happen and lessen the stress you feel over the fact that there is NO WAY you will live in a Better Homes and Garden's looking house.
By filling our homes with color, fabric and texture we can make it HOME for both us and our children. My fourth born may love the color yellow but I can find fabrics, paint and furniture with yellow in a variety of ways which will make both him and me happy. I am no Martha Stewart but I do want my house to look comfortable for all who visit.
You see all my pictures have solid wood frames and are hung with dry wall screws THROUGH them. Any glass is replaced with Plexiglas. I got this idea from the doctor's offices and direct care facilities I use to work in. The idea being to reduce the chance for my children to knock the pictures down from the walls while they rough house as well to reduce the risk for them to get cut from broken glass. From time to time I still need to replace a piece of Plexiglas due to a crack or rehang a picture due to it being knocked down but it's frequency has been GREATLY reduced from when I attempted to use traditional methods. Now that the boys are a little older I have thought about giving the Command Picture hanging products a try since these would save me the holes in the walls and allow me to hang lighter picture frames rather than always having to get heavy solid wood ones.
Another problem I have is I can NOT stand brown paint or "Chocolate" as the designers call it. Two of my four are what my husband and I call "decorators" and one of their favorite mediums is feces. As a result "Chocolate" brown to us is just "poop" brown. Stained wood is fine, it is just the painted stuff I can't stand. Along that same line I have YET to find a paint that can truly resist poop stains. As a result we are frequently repainting. If you are someone who has a "decorator" go with the BEST quality paint you can afford because while it WILL stain, the better quality the longer you will be able to go with just doing touch ups over the stains before a complete repaint. Kilz primer is FANTASTIC for coverage and you can get it in pint size plastic cans.
When purchasing furniture also consider getting the BEST quality you can afford and DON'T think that second hand is a BAD thing. The biggest consideration is safety. All of our boys are extremely gifted mechanically. With our second born the issue we had was that he enjoyed dismantling EVERYTHING. For a while we were reduced to having him sleep on a mattress on a floor while we attempted to figure it out a solution. Not only was this unsafe but EXTREMELY expensive on a limited budget. In the end we crafted a custom bed using a loft bed as our inspiration. It is made of 4x4s, 5/6inch plywood and lag bolts. We also special ordered a mattress thorough a local mattress store. The same type used by hospitals and care units. The seams are INSIDE and it is waterproof so I can easily wash it. No solution will be 100% perfect but
Sofas, chairs, tables, etc, the same rules apply. Get the best you can afford, second hand or custom may be an option if you just can't find what you need. Yes your rooms may be a little more sparse than the designers say they should be but WHO CARES. Your kids are safe, happy and you aren't spending the majority of your day fighting off a minor heart attack. Don't be afraid to think outside the box, watch design shows, check with other parents, on the internet, or where ever to get ideas for your child either. You may not be the only one who has a child who likes to bounce legos off the ceiling fan light fixture and they may have great suggestions for possible solutions.
When it comes to fabrics this is where I LOVE those silly designers because they open up whole new worlds to in terms of colors and fabrics. Sometimes I think they are nuts and other times I could just kiss them. The ones I like are the ones I know have children themselves. What is interesting is to see how their perspectives changed from BEFORE they had children to AFTER as to what you can get away with kids. Candice Olson of Divine Design from HGTV is one of my favorites as are Genevieve Gorder and Sarah Richardson. Denim is still a good staple as it is washable and sturdy, coming in a wide variety of colors, and patterns beyond basic blue. In addition to this there are a variety of treated fabrics giving us a wider range of texture. Candice has also FINALLY convinced me that Leather could also be a reasonable option, or at least DISTRESSED leather, since as she states "all that will happen is more distressing". By using lots of pattern in fabrics you can cover up all the stains that WILL happen and lessen the stress you feel over the fact that there is NO WAY you will live in a Better Homes and Garden's looking house.
By filling our homes with color, fabric and texture we can make it HOME for both us and our children. My fourth born may love the color yellow but I can find fabrics, paint and furniture with yellow in a variety of ways which will make both him and me happy. I am no Martha Stewart but I do want my house to look comfortable for all who visit.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Differnent Persepctives
Just as our children view the world around them with an entirely different perspective than we do so do others seem to view us as their parents. I have had individuals tell me I am "super mom" and they have no idea how I do it in an almost reverent tone, then I have the opposite end of spectrum in which I have been informed I am a HORRIBLE parent incapable of properly supervising and disciplining my children. Some going so far as to report me to child protected services for neglect because two of my four are what we in the Autism world refer to as "Wanderers".
The "Happy Feet" as we call it has been causing us grief since our second born was about three and pushed his first screen out of a window, his goal to discover the wider world. Of all of our children our second born is our most athletic. Now almost ten he can climb our 6ft privacy fence by merely pulling himself over the top, he doesn't even have to have a foot hold. Due to our location he is often located by the police before we realize he has vacated the house because his FAVORITE thing to do is to go one block over and walk down the center of the intersection blocking traffic.
I can already hear it. Wait, you mean you don't even realize he was GONE? What kind of parent ARE you? Believe it not the NORMAL kind, the one who has a NORMAL life with four very BUSY kids who just happen to get into some very UNUSUAL situations because they have no concept of danger. However they all do have healthy doses of curiosity, energy, and imagination. Let me give you an example with our most recent escapade.
Caleb was happily playing one of his favorite games (we call it "Dying Fish") behind me. This game involves flopping on a bed while burrowing through all of the covers giggling his head off. I was attempting to make a phone call to set up school physicals for all the boys. Over the giggling I hear the patter of running feet. I think notthing of it since my oldest son's room is located above me until I hear the door bell ring. (Establishing a GOOD relationship with your neighbors is KEY.) It is James, telling me he thinks he saw my third born on the roof. As this would NOT be a new thing I go to investigate. Sure enough my third born who is 7 has REMOVED the window from our upstairs bath and laundry room and BOTH he and his 5 year old brother are playing Pirate on the roof (In full costume by the way.) Now since I had only seen them 5 minutes before this in the Wreck Room (Yes we DO spell it with a W.) How they managed to do this still has me baffled, not an unusual occurrence.
It takes ME about 10 minutes to chase them OFF the roof and another 15 to figure out HOW to get the window back in. I get back down stairs and my bed is STILL bouncing and giggling. I think it is Caleb but fail to pull back the covers and look. I get back on the phone to call the Doctor's office back. (Trying to get a Doctor that is willing to take on four kids let alone see all of them at once is a feat in an of itself, really you don't want to lose them.) While talking to them the door bell rings again.... yep our friendly neighborhood Policemen who have picked Caleb up AGAIN. Apparently as soon as I walked out the door he did too, turning off the alarm and over the fence. The bouncing kid on the bed? My youngest who had gone to our bed to hide after getting in trouble for the roof incident.
The majority of my life is spent attempting to be PROACTIVE rather than REACTIVE. The problem is you can never be entirely sure just what exactly my boys will come up with next. Each of them is so different, and that is normal for ANY family. No two children are EVER alike and birth order DOES play a part in how they relate to one another but then you add to that where they fall on the spectrum as well and it certainly adds a whole other aspect to each of them.
My youngest is on the highest end of the spectrum but for whatever reason loves to chew on wires. Headset wires, IPod, mouse, Phone chargers, etc. so trying to find places to PUT these necessary lines yet keep them out of reach of the over grown "bunny" gets difficult. At the same time he can is very dependent on routine, he needs to sit in the SAME spot every day, follow the same schedule and is very resistant to meeting new people and new situations. Though having his brothers around helps ease these transitions. He is also very fixated on specific things like the color yellow and HATES Thunderstorms.
My Third born can at times be the MOST difficult because he is the most focused on what he wants to achieve, seldom changing his focus. Yet he is also the most charming and funny of the four. If he wants something he WILL get it even if you put it out of reach for the time being. Case and point he wanted to go visit his friend who lives directly behind us. He was quiet about it for over a month, then we caught him with a small handsaw from his Grandfather's tool bag. He was diligently attempting to cut a hole through our back fence. This is also the child that you are trying NOT to laugh the entire time you discipline him because he is just so blasted FUNNY while he does it. I mean, he wanted to see his friend so..."I'm making my own gate Mom." The kid will make a FORTUNE in comedy with some of these stories when he grows up that is for certain. He only has two speeds, dead run and asleep. This makes trying to get him to sit quietly an impossibility so you just try to get him to run circles around you while you toss instructions at him in hopes he catches on as he goes by. His catch phrase? "Don't worry Mom..."
My Oldest is a typical first born. The protector, he watches out for all of his brothers and bosses them incessantly, becoming frustrated when they don't do as he dictates. This can be both a good thing and a bad thing as he is an extra set of eyes but bad as he frequently becomes so concerned with what they are NOT doing he forgets what HE is responsible for. Trying to teach him priorities is the focus at this point. He is almost 12 and starting Jr High. Unlike my 2nd and 4th born who cling to routine, my first born seems to reject routine unless it requires bossing other people. Come in the door and hang up my book bag? No thank you I prefer to throw it on the floor even though you have been asking me to hang it and my coat up since I was in Pre K. Pick my room up every morning before coming downstairs? Oh I forgot, even though My daily routine expectations are POSTED in my room as a reminder. Now ask me what my BROTHERS are suppose to do and I can give you a COMPETE run down but that is another story.
Now we have my Second born, who is mostly none verbal and EXTREMELY athletic. He LOVES water and is SILLY. I thank God for that giggle as it has helped me countless times to find him when he goes hiding. He has always liked tight spaces so crawling under beds, into toy boxes, closets, containers, even the TOILET have provided countless hours of entertainment for him, minor heart attacks for his father and I. As he has grown in size and climbing ability his range has also increased as has his ability to cause me anxiety. Thankfully when he has swimming he does well. However I can't send him to the pool for several hours every day and living in a northern climate even if we could AFFORD to put a pool in our back yard it would only be available a few months a year. Jumping on our trampoline does help a little as well but when his routine gets disrupted or he gets agitated sometimes those feet just get itchy.
At the moment we are working on a plan to get us through the next few years, sure supervision is part of it but it will only get us so far no matter WHAT CPS thinks, they are ALL boys and no kid wants their parents with them 24/7 or checking on them every 5 or10 minutes, you may be able to get away with that with a toddler, but as they enter the tween years they don't care for it and my nine year old is already expressing his distress at having Mom and Dad at his shoulder constantly. The hard part is finding a happy medium, a way to make sure I can keep them safe with out going crazy or driving THEM crazy.
The "Happy Feet" as we call it has been causing us grief since our second born was about three and pushed his first screen out of a window, his goal to discover the wider world. Of all of our children our second born is our most athletic. Now almost ten he can climb our 6ft privacy fence by merely pulling himself over the top, he doesn't even have to have a foot hold. Due to our location he is often located by the police before we realize he has vacated the house because his FAVORITE thing to do is to go one block over and walk down the center of the intersection blocking traffic.
I can already hear it. Wait, you mean you don't even realize he was GONE? What kind of parent ARE you? Believe it not the NORMAL kind, the one who has a NORMAL life with four very BUSY kids who just happen to get into some very UNUSUAL situations because they have no concept of danger. However they all do have healthy doses of curiosity, energy, and imagination. Let me give you an example with our most recent escapade.
Caleb was happily playing one of his favorite games (we call it "Dying Fish") behind me. This game involves flopping on a bed while burrowing through all of the covers giggling his head off. I was attempting to make a phone call to set up school physicals for all the boys. Over the giggling I hear the patter of running feet. I think notthing of it since my oldest son's room is located above me until I hear the door bell ring. (Establishing a GOOD relationship with your neighbors is KEY.) It is James, telling me he thinks he saw my third born on the roof. As this would NOT be a new thing I go to investigate. Sure enough my third born who is 7 has REMOVED the window from our upstairs bath and laundry room and BOTH he and his 5 year old brother are playing Pirate on the roof (In full costume by the way.) Now since I had only seen them 5 minutes before this in the Wreck Room (Yes we DO spell it with a W.) How they managed to do this still has me baffled, not an unusual occurrence.
It takes ME about 10 minutes to chase them OFF the roof and another 15 to figure out HOW to get the window back in. I get back down stairs and my bed is STILL bouncing and giggling. I think it is Caleb but fail to pull back the covers and look. I get back on the phone to call the Doctor's office back. (Trying to get a Doctor that is willing to take on four kids let alone see all of them at once is a feat in an of itself, really you don't want to lose them.) While talking to them the door bell rings again.... yep our friendly neighborhood Policemen who have picked Caleb up AGAIN. Apparently as soon as I walked out the door he did too, turning off the alarm and over the fence. The bouncing kid on the bed? My youngest who had gone to our bed to hide after getting in trouble for the roof incident.
The majority of my life is spent attempting to be PROACTIVE rather than REACTIVE. The problem is you can never be entirely sure just what exactly my boys will come up with next. Each of them is so different, and that is normal for ANY family. No two children are EVER alike and birth order DOES play a part in how they relate to one another but then you add to that where they fall on the spectrum as well and it certainly adds a whole other aspect to each of them.
My youngest is on the highest end of the spectrum but for whatever reason loves to chew on wires. Headset wires, IPod, mouse, Phone chargers, etc. so trying to find places to PUT these necessary lines yet keep them out of reach of the over grown "bunny" gets difficult. At the same time he can is very dependent on routine, he needs to sit in the SAME spot every day, follow the same schedule and is very resistant to meeting new people and new situations. Though having his brothers around helps ease these transitions. He is also very fixated on specific things like the color yellow and HATES Thunderstorms.
My Third born can at times be the MOST difficult because he is the most focused on what he wants to achieve, seldom changing his focus. Yet he is also the most charming and funny of the four. If he wants something he WILL get it even if you put it out of reach for the time being. Case and point he wanted to go visit his friend who lives directly behind us. He was quiet about it for over a month, then we caught him with a small handsaw from his Grandfather's tool bag. He was diligently attempting to cut a hole through our back fence. This is also the child that you are trying NOT to laugh the entire time you discipline him because he is just so blasted FUNNY while he does it. I mean, he wanted to see his friend so..."I'm making my own gate Mom." The kid will make a FORTUNE in comedy with some of these stories when he grows up that is for certain. He only has two speeds, dead run and asleep. This makes trying to get him to sit quietly an impossibility so you just try to get him to run circles around you while you toss instructions at him in hopes he catches on as he goes by. His catch phrase? "Don't worry Mom..."
My Oldest is a typical first born. The protector, he watches out for all of his brothers and bosses them incessantly, becoming frustrated when they don't do as he dictates. This can be both a good thing and a bad thing as he is an extra set of eyes but bad as he frequently becomes so concerned with what they are NOT doing he forgets what HE is responsible for. Trying to teach him priorities is the focus at this point. He is almost 12 and starting Jr High. Unlike my 2nd and 4th born who cling to routine, my first born seems to reject routine unless it requires bossing other people. Come in the door and hang up my book bag? No thank you I prefer to throw it on the floor even though you have been asking me to hang it and my coat up since I was in Pre K. Pick my room up every morning before coming downstairs? Oh I forgot, even though My daily routine expectations are POSTED in my room as a reminder. Now ask me what my BROTHERS are suppose to do and I can give you a COMPETE run down but that is another story.
Now we have my Second born, who is mostly none verbal and EXTREMELY athletic. He LOVES water and is SILLY. I thank God for that giggle as it has helped me countless times to find him when he goes hiding. He has always liked tight spaces so crawling under beds, into toy boxes, closets, containers, even the TOILET have provided countless hours of entertainment for him, minor heart attacks for his father and I. As he has grown in size and climbing ability his range has also increased as has his ability to cause me anxiety. Thankfully when he has swimming he does well. However I can't send him to the pool for several hours every day and living in a northern climate even if we could AFFORD to put a pool in our back yard it would only be available a few months a year. Jumping on our trampoline does help a little as well but when his routine gets disrupted or he gets agitated sometimes those feet just get itchy.
At the moment we are working on a plan to get us through the next few years, sure supervision is part of it but it will only get us so far no matter WHAT CPS thinks, they are ALL boys and no kid wants their parents with them 24/7 or checking on them every 5 or10 minutes, you may be able to get away with that with a toddler, but as they enter the tween years they don't care for it and my nine year old is already expressing his distress at having Mom and Dad at his shoulder constantly. The hard part is finding a happy medium, a way to make sure I can keep them safe with out going crazy or driving THEM crazy.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Coverlet Covers
Did you know that king size coverlet covers can provide hours of entertainment to boys with Autism?
Today while attempting to make the bed (an exercise in futility I do every day) I had to fight with my oldest and two youngest who had discovered the opening in the bottom of my down comforter allowing them to crawl into the cover. What ensued was a huge wrestling match INSIDE with much giggling. Of course the cover now needs to be repaired since it was not designed to allow access for an 11 year old boy and his 7 and 5 year old brothers. They do find entertainment in the most unusual places.
Of course they are now convinced I am the most abusive parent in the WORLD because I forced them to go OUTSIDE while we worked on replacing our fence. Rather than allowing them to remain inside unsupervised. The loss of their electronic devices for several hours was obviously a devious parental torture devised by their Grandmother.
Somehow they made it through the day and we are now about half way completed with the new fence. The only issue we are having now is the tree. Our neighbor is STILL not home. They have been gone all week so we just ended up putting the new fence butted up against their old fence and they can decide what they want to do when they get back.
Today while attempting to make the bed (an exercise in futility I do every day) I had to fight with my oldest and two youngest who had discovered the opening in the bottom of my down comforter allowing them to crawl into the cover. What ensued was a huge wrestling match INSIDE with much giggling. Of course the cover now needs to be repaired since it was not designed to allow access for an 11 year old boy and his 7 and 5 year old brothers. They do find entertainment in the most unusual places.
Of course they are now convinced I am the most abusive parent in the WORLD because I forced them to go OUTSIDE while we worked on replacing our fence. Rather than allowing them to remain inside unsupervised. The loss of their electronic devices for several hours was obviously a devious parental torture devised by their Grandmother.
Somehow they made it through the day and we are now about half way completed with the new fence. The only issue we are having now is the tree. Our neighbor is STILL not home. They have been gone all week so we just ended up putting the new fence butted up against their old fence and they can decide what they want to do when they get back.
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